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| i'm tearing myself up inside. i just want to be happy again. | | |
| i really like anna nalick. she reminds me of jewel. favorite artists of the week.
sometimes i don't like sharing my life with everyone. but then i think it is sort of like having a best girlfriend. telling all my feelings to... espcially since i'm not always comfortable saying how i feel.. to anyone.
it's been a good, interesting week. i feel like I am in a weird place in my personal life. its' been a little challenging for the heart. i'm struggling with something/someone and these feelings and thoughts would just go away completely. but i don't know why it lingers. i guess it just needs more time. but its been terribly long... i can't think of how much longer it will last.
i wish i could talk about it but i don't know how it would help. everytime i try to resolve things within my self or by talking to him it makes me more sad.
i don't want to give someone the wrong idea.. . . moving slow is exactly what i need. but it's hard.
i cant finish this blog at work.. its going to make me cry. | | |
| so i guess i sort of found the answer to that question.
yeah you miss me, and i miss you, but i don't miss you that much. i don't feel anything for you anymore. best of all i don't get upset at you and you don't make me cry. it's a lot better without you. so you make me laugh, yes, and no doubt you're cute. i love your smile. but that doesn't mean i'll come running back. you no longer have my heart.
i'll admit it took a while to get over you. it was bad. just read this fucking blog. i'm glad we still talk, but that doesn't open the door to anything past friends. i can't hang out with you. i'm sorry. and you can't change the way i feel. it's been over between us - and you know it.
just give me my fucking money.
nah, i'm really not mad at you. i'm actually really glad to be rid of you. i was praying for it. i'm in a much happier place.... | | |
| two days off from work is like a treat! i've gotten stuff done like clean my car, change the oil.. clean our floors,... shopping... and organizing my room. and today i'm finally going to get my money back from luis. at least im crossing my fingers that i will.
even though i know i'm over him and that i cannot allow myself to go back to him, i still wish things would have worked out. I guess its normal being that he's an ex.. he's the first person i said the "L" word to... I know i've seen a part of him that i absolutley love. but he's too young and immature to be like that man i want all the time. and there is no way i can change him. by now its too late, the damage has been done. to think of all the pain ive been through over this guy. i think about it everyday and i still get tears in my eyes. i wish it were easier, i wish things worked out. but in the end i'm hurt. i wonder if he's hurting too.
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| *sigh*
The sky looks pretty. I'm going to go to step aerobics for the first time in over a month. My hip is still not fully recovered. I never really found out what the hell happened to it. And im sure i didnt hurt it doing anything really fun like sex. I think it was yoga. F*ck, there goes my flexibility! I was getting damnned good at doing the splits.
Work's been busy and stressful but i love my coworkers and my boss. Throw alcohol in the mix and some lesbian action and its a freakin' party! Ha. Just kidding. Angie and I were talking about our boyfriend relationships today when it was just the two of us at work. I was surprised at how similar our relationships have been. All of what we said was true. What the f*ck is wrong with us?! Going after the wrong guys.
Too bad i can't give her any advice. Otherwise i would. She completly knows where i'm coming from and I.... don't know what else to say. So im going. Ha. K. Bye. | | |
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